These Advice from My Father Which Rescued Me when I became a New Parent

"I believe I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

But the truth rapidly became "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her chief support while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You're not in a good place. You need support. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His story is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more accustomed to talking about the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges new fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a wider failure to talk between men, who still absorb negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a show of weakness to ask for help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to request a break - spending a short trip away, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a friend, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their struggles, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I think my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I'm learning an equal amount as you are on this path."